In January's Status Report we wrote with mixed emotions about our pride at the sudden patriotic flag displays since Sept 11, but also mentioned inept governmental decisions which produced more confusion amongst our citizenry than it's intended sense of security. Before issue #26 was printed, Helen and I flew from Phoenix to Seattle on Dec. 18 for a family Xmas, returning to Mesa on Dec. 29. We concluded that we'd chosen our dates wisely, because we missed the later "congregating of the cattle", the 'show of force' by Nat'l Guardsmen, and the inept, illogical acts of many 'Screeners'.

On three occasions before boarding at PHX, we were required to show two separate picture ID cards, but the dreaded 'random' searches seemed to focus mostly on single Pax traveling alone, rather than on couples. Later, when we departed SEA, we were again required to display our two photo IDs multiple times before boarding .. but by then I'd moved them to a shirt pocket which could be easily reached without first fumbling to reposition - without dropping - my laptop computer. We were then required to display a unique sense of stand-up balance as we raised first one foot, then the other . with nothing to hold onto - no seating available - while a sniffer wand checked our shoe heels for. (dog do-do)?

As noted above, we were fortunate in our choice of travel times . and missed the truly embarrassing and insolent treatment received by others much more esteemed or famous than ourselves.

As of this moment, I stand four-square in favor of the politically incorrect, "Passenger Profiling" so often rejected by the media out of fear that the bad guys might be recognized for what they are. With it perhaps we little old gray-haired, arthritic and often lumpy seniors can avoid some current airport hassles until common sense again prevails.

Most of us are now familiar with the U.S. Congressman and his metal hip insert, who was ultimately forced to strip to prove he was not carrying a metal weapon inside his trousers. But how many were aware that Marine Corps General Joe Foss, 86 yr old war hero, former Governor of South Dakota and Medal of Honor recipient for aerial exploits in shooting down 26 enemy aircraft in WW-II, was delayed by Phoenix Sky Harbor

screeners who questioned the sharply pointed tips of the Medal of Honor he carried in his coat pocket before boarding a flight to Washington, DC.?

"They just didn't know what it was but they acted like I shouldn't be carrying it on," retired Gen. Joseph J. Foss of Scottsdale, Ariz., said in a telephone interview. "I kept explaining that it was the highest medal you can receive from the military in this country, and "It states all that stuff right on the back of the medal," he said, "but nobody listened." Foss acknowledged that a commemorative metal nail file, also bearing the Medal of Honor inscription, and a harmless, keychain-type dummy metal bullet were also in the same pocket of his sports coat with the famous military medal, and may possibly have contributed to the screeners' apprehension.

Gen. Foss said he normally doesn't travel with his Medal of Honor. "I do not carry the medal around with me. But I had it with me this time to show to cadets of the U.S. Military Academy at West Point," where he was to be a guest speaker that week.

He believes his one-way, first-class ticket, coupled with the 10-gallon hat and western boots he was wearing, (typical Arizona attire) might have made him appear suspicious to security personnel.

Because he wears a pacemaker, he said he couldn't go through a metal detector and had to be personally "frisked" by the airport guards.
Gen. Foss said, "I had to take off my cowboy boots three times before boarding, as well as my belt and necktie. I compared the situation to bailing out and landing in some strange foreign country."
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Then, more recently, according to reports in the Wall Street Journal (2/12/02), we had the Olympics' guest "airborne battle with nature". conflicting with FAA's new sub-zero-tolerance policy for which an unwary perpetrator could face 20 yrs in prison for having a weak bladder and inaccurate planning of their toilet scheduling!

Richard Bizzaro a 59-year-old executive on a Delta Air Lines flight to Salt Lake City was actually charged with interfering with a flight crew after he allegedly stood up and went to the lavatory within 25 minutes of scheduled landing, despite a rule adopted for the Olympic Games that limited such movements by passengers to 30 minutes prior to scheduled landing ... he faces as long as 20 years in prison and a fine of as much as $250,000 if convicted of the charge, according to authorities.

A flight attendant saw him leaving the restroom, and told the 6 foot 2", 220 pound Mr. Bizzaro, to immediately return to his seat. She then felt that 'he was attempting to intimidate her' when he stood - and stared at her. The (arrest) affidavit said he returned to his seat after 'approximately a minute' and, according to a sky marshal on the plane, gave a 'thumbs up,' which the agent viewed as a hand signal to another passenger.

"After the incident, sky marshals took control of the cabin and ordered all passengers to put their hands on their heads for the rest of the flight!"

Now, I don't know about you, but most of us are very conscientious about abiding by the dictates of the new, stringent travel restrictions imposed by the airlines since 9-11. When told to be at the terminal two hours before a scheduled early morning flight, I'll be there even a bit earlier than suggested - to join long serpentine lines of cowed humanity. While there, I even try to pre-plan Pit Stops' to be near a facility when nature tells me: "Now's the time.."

But after the early rising, a half to full hour drive to the airport, an hour or two waiting to empty our pockets, 'open my laptop computer for display, 'screened' from head to heels, then to make the llama-like trek with hand baggage to our departure gate at the farthest, most-remote corner of the terminal. I try to make one last Pit Stop before the boarding call . but don't always manage it, because one of us must stand by to watch our pile of cabin baggage, as the other enjoys final relief.

Once aboard the long narrow aluminum tube and in our tight little seats . we breathe a sigh of relief, and await the eventual take-off. Still later, at cruise altitude when seat-belt lights are off, the entire population of the cabin decides simultaneously to test the capacity of the 2 or 3 small toilet facilities. The massive herd must then gamble that their visit to the far ends of the craft won't by then be suddenly blocked by two or more food and beverage carts in the narrow aisle.

After about two-plus hours of flight, with a stiff neck from watching the Latrine lines far behind us. I can sympathize with Mr. Bizzaro on the Delta flight to Salt Lake when he learned, as he exited the little room - relieved - that they were still 25 minutes from landing at Salt Lake, but that he had committed a felony by using the restroom within 30 minutes of scheduled landing time! The 'thumbs up' signal to his seat companion no doubt meant simply that 'He'd made it - he hadn't wet his pants before finally relieving himself..!

Do you get the feeling - that the "inmates of the FAA" have somehow taken over our airlines' Nuthouse? --
Bud B.

[Thanks to AV-Flash & 'Klyde Morris' by Wes Oleszewski]